Me versus Myself; The Battle Within
I vibrate at a very high frequency. My brain doesn’t shut off, I make lists, I over think things, I worry. I try to control outcomes and take over the tasks that others can do because in my mind, I can do it faster and better. Sound familiar? We worry about our jobs, our families, our bodies, the economy, the environment and the plight of a the polar bear to name a few. To deal with the stress we turn to different outlets. Exercise, yoga and meditation are popular ways to manage stress. But so are drinking, over eating and lashing out at those we love. We don’t want to admit it, but that happens as well when we are stressed.
In my past life, my NYC life. I did yoga religiously. I walked everywhere. I had time to myself and to my thoughts. Of course I also had disposable income, and no children. Now in my current life, I do none of those things. I don’t do yoga (no childcare at the studio and I’m not a huge fan of gym yoga), I can’t sit still to meditate and while I work out, I usually listen to lectures for my program so even then my mind doesn’t shut down. As a result, my body is rebelling, it’s breaking down on me. In the past 6 months, I have been sick three times. Sick enough to warrant staying in bed and letting the world continue without my controlling it. My neck and shoulders are so tight that it affects my range of motion. I have pain in my feet. I realize that in order to live a truly healthful life, it really doesn’t matter how many veggies I am consuming when my very essence of being is threatening to destroy me. This is how stress affects me, but everyone is different. This link from the American Institute of Stress shows signs and symptoms of stress and the effect of it on our bodies.
But what to do? How am I to surmount the obstacles before me so that I can reduce my stress and feel good? Easy answer. I need to let go. Let things slip from the tenacious grip I have on them and trust that it will all work out. Of course, stating the goal is easy. It’s the action steps that count. And as of now, I have taken no action against this aggressor in my body. So do I let my body break down further? Do I ignore all the warnings that my system is sending me? Who will be the ultimate victor in this struggle?
This isn’t a fair contest. If we don’t deal with our stress and anxiety, it WILL destroy us. So I am learning how to let go. Lucky for me, I have a secret weapon in my arsenal. I’m married to a Chiropractor. For the past few weeks, I have been scheduling weekly sessions with him to work on my body. Each time I lay on his table, I am forced to do nothing else but breathe. Breathe into the tightness in my neck, the pain in my shoulders. Breathe as he moves my body in positions and motions that have been restricted by my stress. Breathe as I fight the rising panic of doing nothing and being ok with it. Because I’m not doing nothing. I’m taking care of myself. Or rather, I am allowing someone else to take care of me. I’m letting go. I’m surrendering, I’m slowing the vibrations down. And in doing so, I win the battle
