I have stories I tell. I’ve been telling them for years. They aren’t even true. They’re all about me, and they make me feel lousy. It’s just a habit, these stories. Comfortable only because it’s so familiar.
We all know the type of stories I’m talking about. The stories about how work is a failure, love is hard to find, there’s no grand passion, and nothing will ever work out because it never has. You know, the kind of stories that leave you sick, itchy, and restless. What kind of stories do you tell about your life, your family, your work, your relationships, your past, even your future?
How do you exorcise all this?
How do you let go of damaging stories you’ve kept around for far too long? It’s totally possible to release the past and the fear of the future embedded in these fairytales. You simply let it go. Simple isn’t easy.
The irritating thing is that, of course, letting go is a practice. How do I start? With the reminder that this is a story of what was, not what’s going on now. This technique calms me, releases my shoulders from their permanent hunched state. I feel freer, more able to think logically.
Here are some questions I’ve been asking myself that may help you in the process of letting go:
What stories do you keep retelling that keeps you experiencing them in life?
What you tell you brings you more evidence you’re right. This evidence then makes the story true and because we all hate being wrong, we do our best to perpetuate the experience we’re describing. For me, just by observing this in action, I’ve been able to explore and wonder at who I am without these past roles and stories. Imagine these stories as storm clouds. Keep moving when they appear. Tune into who YOU are without these stories.
While it’s a practice, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a laborious one. The process can go fast. Sometimes simple is easy. Often just by calling it out, the story disappears.
What are the stories you tell about your past? Are they accurate? Do they reflect who and where you are right now? Can you let them go?
My answers to the above questions really help me release the stale, harmful stories I’ve been telling myself for decades. The habit of them becomes uncomfortable.
What beliefs hold you back from living freely?
Even when I can’t find an answer to this question, just in the asking, I feel better. Like dreading your credit card statement, then once you do, even if it’s bad, the exposure to light makes it more manageable.
One of our writers at Happiness Series, Peter Ferko, turned me onto Byron Katie. And she has something she calls, “The Work”, which consists of 4 questions to ask about a story:
Ask the questions, then go inside and wait for the deeper answers to surface.
1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation. After you have investigated your statement with the four questions, you’re ready to turn around the concept you’re questioning. Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you originally believed.
I write a new story about myself. “I am understood by the people I interact with. I have fun expanding and growing in work and life. I know how to lean towards the life that I’m in. I enjoy how my life is beginning to unfold. Things are coming easier and easier. I have fun wherever I am. New ideas are flowing to me constantly. I love the people that surround me.”
Hope these questions and tips help you as much as they have me! Letting go is freedom.