Why worry is 99.9% useless and how to stop doing it for good…
A wise woman once told me this truth: “What good does worry do? Stop worrying and your life will blossom.” Back then this message went unheeded. I worried too much, too often, and nothing good or worthwhile came of this worry. I had jacked my own flow, I wasn’t able to blossom into the person I wanted to be. She pegged me as a world class worrier, and she was right. It took me a long time to kick the habit. It’s in my DNA, I guess. My grandmother used to say, after one thing she was worried about hadn’t transpired, “oh good, now I can worry about this…” See, if you’re a worrier, there’s always another thing in the queue. Especially if it’s a worry about something that most likely will never come to pass.
Bottom line: Worry is bad for you. If what you’re worried about doesn’t happen, you’ve wasted hours, days, weeks, being unhappily occupied with whatever it is you’re obsessing over. You’re jacking your own flow. And the flow, being in the flow, is where you want to be. What if the thing you most fear does come to pass? Well, you’ll deal with it with a strength and resolve that would surprise you today. Worry is worse than useless; it actually makes you sick. Worry doesn’t make you stronger tomorrow, instead it steals today’s happiness. So, why don’t we stop worrying?
Most of us, including my late grandmother, worry because we believe we’re doing something good. We think we’re being proactive, heading off disaster by energetically focussing on possible disastrous outcomes. We feel worry prevents calamity. (Have you ever spent the flight worried it would crash, vigilantly co-piloting the plane to safety in your mind? What a relaxing flight that must’ve been!) The more we worry, the safer we are we believe. But this worrying is a bad habit. And it’s a hard one to break.
Think about this: If something bad has happened to you, worrying about what’s next wastes the energy you could spend focusing on how to right your ship. The calamity you focus on, the suffering you will have to endure in your mind is often just as bad as the actual crisis. Let’s face it, dealing with a crisis is much easier than waiting for one. Plus, you really have no idea how you’ll deal with it in real time, you may have resources inner and outer that you never couldn’t visualize in all your time spent worrying.
Never forget: WHAT WE FOCUS ON EXPANDS. What we focus on, expands, becomes bigger, until we’re manifesting the very thing we’ve focussed on. This is great for positive thinkers, but for those of us worrywarts, it’s a great reason to lose the worrying habit.
So, how do we stop worrying?
1. Identify your worry. Name it. Set aside 30 minutes, focus on what you’re worried about and name 3 possible solutions to your problem.
2. Practice a little 12 minute meditation. Let the worries come up, see them as clouds, let them float by. No judgement. During this time (and all times, if you can), drop the judgement. Just be present.
3. Stop beating yourself up. The harder you are on yourself, the more cause you have to worry. Be kind to yourself. You’re all you’ve got.
4. Practice acceptance. Accept yourself and what you’re worried about. “I accept that I’m worried about being jobless and penniless. I accept these worries.” And then move on. Do things that feel proactive.
5. Stop worrying about things you can’t control.
6. Workout. It’s hard to worry when you’re exercising your body. Move. Take a walk.
Remember, you are blessed. Focus on those blessings you do have. Whatever you’re grateful for, more of it comes.
