Jealousy Jacks Your Flow…
Jealousy is one of those feelings that take you out of your flow – the place where you create miracles, big and small. Jealousy consumes and leaves you feeling sad, angry, listless, out of control, ashamed, and guilty. What’s most interesting about being jealous is that it actually attracts more of the same – it brings us the opposite of what we jealously covet.
When I was an actor in NYC, I was consumed, at times, with jealousy. It’s an awful feeling. With jealousy comes anger and fear, I’m angry I don’t have what I want, and I’m afraid there’s not enough out there, and then I feel shame for resenting another person’s success and happiness. What kind of petty person am I? It seems easy to feel this way when you’re working to make it as an actor in a big, competitive city like New York or Los Angeles. It’s buying into that limiting belief that there are only a few roles to go around, and if someone gets one of them then you don’t. It’s as if everything I want in the world is part of a big pie, and there’s only so much pie to go around. So, if someone gets that juicy role I want or lands a TV deal and big, fat contract with lots of money, then that piece is gone forever. And the pie is that much smaller.
If she is a successful actor/producer/writer then I won’t be. It’s a dreadful way to see the world. People who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent on others for validation tend to be more jealous than others. What’s the answer? Start feeling good about ourselves. Start being grateful for who we are... Time to believe we are more than adequate. Time to believe in abundance.
What’s the trigger for these mean fits of jealousy? For me, it’s when I’m feeling bad about myself, and when I focus on what I don’t have in my life.
Have you ever been at the grocery store thumbing through a fashion magazine feeling bad about yourself and thinking hateful thoughts about the innocent model or actress on the cover? To make yourself feel better you tell yourself: “She’s not that pretty. I bet she had a ton of plastic surgery. She’s probably anorexic.” It’s as if by putting down someone else we will feel better. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? Instead we just feel worse and worse. Jealousy is a zero sum game. Everyone loses.
I’m proposing this, instead of envying someone’s good looks, luck, work, or life, let’s celebrate their success. Let’s be happy for our friend’s victories. Why? Because the happier we are for another’s success, the better we feel, and the more in alignment we are with the universe. The more in alignment we are, the faster we reach our goals, and the easier it is to make our own dreams come true.
Ok, so I’ve identified the problem about what makes me feel jealous – insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, fear there’s not enough, not being grateful for who I am… What’s the solution to stop being jealous?
Here are a few antidotes:
- Remember that there are many paths out there to success and happiness. And I’m on my own special one. You are too.
- Life is transient. “This too shall pass” – all things are ephemeral. The so-called good and bad in life is constantly shifting. And worrying over something that’s inevitably going to change is a waste of energy.
- Gratitude. This is the easiest way to change your perspective. Express a little gratitude for the many blessings in life. Being grateful for what you have brings more of that to you. Like attracts like. And gratitude is great way to banish jealousy.
When you allow yourself to feel gratitude, your life will open and expand. The more you’re grateful for, the more that comes for you to be grateful for… And when you say thank you, you invite greater abundance into your life.
When I’m less than pleased for someone’s happiness, I block my own chance at success and happiness. Whatever we focus on is where our energy goes. When I get jealous of a person’s success, my energy goes in the opposite direction of where I want it. Again, it’s a universal law, like attracts like. I’m attracting more lack in my life when I get jealous. I’m actually pushing away what I crave. Time to get happy. Time to be happy for people’s triumphs. Time to be grateful for ALL that we do have and ALL that we are.
When I’m happy for someone else’s victories, I’m showing the universe that I’d like some of that good stuff too!
The other cool thing about celebrating another’s success is seeing someone else succeed in life, opens me up to the amazing possibilities out there. And it’s a good sign that I’m moving in the right direction. There is always enough pie to go around.
And now back to the breath… A few deep belly breaths (expand the belly on the inhale, bring it in on the exhale) brings me back into the present moment. This moment, now, is where all the magic is… Because staying present is much more conducive to happiness and success than worrying about what could be and what should be. Forget that, and focus on what is, and you can easily find some really amazing stuff in the what is.
