In two weeks, I am moving to Los Angeles. My house is overrun with boxes. We’ve started to say good bye to friends. I’m making lists about turning off utilities in one place, turning them on in another. I’m taking everything I have known for the past 4 years and tossing it aside to start over. For the most part, I should be absolutely petrified about going into a future that I can’t predict. And yet, surprisingly I am not.
My husband and I have been trying to get to California for close to 15 years. When we were in our twenties, we were going to go. We told all our friends and our family. We started looking at apartments. And then it didn’t happen. Because I was afraid. I was afraid to leave the comforts of New York. I was afraid to leave my family. I was afraid to leave my friends. I was afraid that if I left, then I would be alone and miserable. That I wouldn’t succeed. That it would be a mistake. So I let the fear consume me, and we stayed in New York.
Four and half years ago, my husband came home one day to tell me he was miserable. He hated his job, he didn’t want to continue in it, he wanted to change his life. He wanted to go to graduate school to become a Chiropractor. This announcement filled me with a fear that was overwhelming. My ears filled with a roar as if a jet plane was flying directly overhead. But I heard myself saying, “If that is what you want, then I will support you.” And I did. He applied, got accepted and a few short months later, I found myself saying good bye to my family and friends as I prepared to move to a town just outside Chicago called Oak Park. I was petrified. How could I leave my entire support structure behind? How would I succeed? Would I just be miserable and crawl back to NY a shell of my former being?
Here’s what happened. I went from living in the busiest city in the world to a small town in the midwest. I went from running my own business to becoming a stay at home mom. I went from drinks with the girls and fancy dinner dates to cooking at home, and the local playground. I didn’t know anyone. At the playground I would fight back tears as I watched the other moms smile and laugh with each other. I thought that I would be alone forever. And then something happened, a couple was there around the same time as me. The mom was pregnant. Their daughter was a few months older then my daughter. They told me they were organizing a local playgroup. Would I like to join? The past me would have said no. The past me would have been too nervous to hang out with a group of strangers. I told my past to shove it and said, “Yes, I’d love to join.”
This little group created the start of my new life. A few months after that, my daughter started pre school and I got involved with the school board. Within a few months, my calendar started to fill up with playdates for my daughter but also for me, as I would sit and chat with the moms. I met some women I clicked with and we would have dinner or drinks. My town is small so I would see my new friends at the farmers’ market, or at the playground. We made parties for Halloween and New Years. We had a yearly party at a bar for birthdays. I became part of something. If I had listened to my fear, none of this would have happened.
In two weeks, I will be an inhabitant of the City of Angels. I don’t know what will happen, and I can’t control what does. I realize that in many ways, I am in the same place emotionally that I was in 4 years ago. I love it here. I love my friends, and the family that I’ve created. The people, the town, even the weather are things I will never forget. But what this journey has really taught me is that I can do anything I want to. I can pick up and move to a new place and start a new life. I can begin a business. I can accomplish greatness. I know this because I know that if you can embrace your fear, use it as fuel, conquer it, then you become a warrior, an Amazon. You have one life to live, so live it. This is just the start of a new adventure. And that adventure, as with all our adventures, is going to be amazing.
To learn more about embracing your fears and using those energies to change your life for the better, please visit www.RoslynWellness.com to learn more about Health Coaching and how we can support you in reaching your health and wellness goals.
