Relationship Resistance…
Have you ever considered how much energy you put into resisting things? I often find myself resisting people/things that are new to me or hard for me. And how could I forget this one: I, of course, resist when things don’t go my way. Never was it more apparent to me than when I moved to the Bay Area, and I was surrounded by new concepts and ways of approaching yoga. When I was in Denver I (by choice) was living in a bubble where things were one way, and I had become accustomed to and adept at doing things “that one way”.
When I went to classes out here I would find myself having mental temper tantrums because I was under the assumption that I had this whole teaching thing figured out; I knew “the way” to do it and these people were doing it some other way. Their cues and approaches to getting into poses were foreign to me. Their method of theming classes and working the room was different. Many studios that I went to (in San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley) put a lot more emphasis on breath worth and meditation than I was used to. Not only was I resisting the yoga scene, I found myself resisting the people scene, the difference in the Denver culture and the Bay Area one. When I say I felt resistance to these things what I mean is I often found myself feeling annoyed and irritated, focusing on (what I saw as) the negative. It wasn’t long before all of this resistance began to weigh me down, and I became extremely humbled by life’s smack in the face: maybe the problem was me. Who was I to walk around judging everyone for their differences in opinion and attitude?
Most of us will feel resistance to new and different things in life until the day that we die. Through meditation and yoga I have come to the conclusion that we can do one of two things: be a reactor (get pissed off and angry) or be an observer. Rather than letting the frustration define us and our experience, what if we practiced taking a step back and just look at the resistance as tool (not good or bad), something to learn from? Can we remain impartial? This has helped me immensely, and I needed this realization now that I live in a densely populated area where I am constantly experiencing novelty. This shift in perception has shown me how IGNORANT I’ve been for most of my life. I have such little information about life in general, and I’ve wasted so much time and energy resisting people and concepts that are different from me and that I know nothing about. I was no longer in my little bubble and if I kept resisting newness or difference, I would forever have blinders on that would keep the world and my mind small. San Francisco has been such a beautiful place to take those blinders off, and because of it my yoga practice, my teaching and my relationships have explored new heights.
I want to make an important point: I am not trying to avoid feeling resistance or figure out the why…for now. I think it’s part of human nature. Rather than trying to figure out where it’s coming from and why I feel it towards certain people and things, I am just trying to acknowledge when I feel it. Here’s where we become accountable, once you notice resistance, you have a choice. Do you want to be a reactor or an observer? It’s another way we can take responsibility for ourselves. I’ve mentioned this in previous posts, we are in the driver’s seat. It’s not other people’s fault that we feel resistance, but it is our fault if we become reactors. Maybe one day I’ll come closer to understanding why resistance comes up for me, but, until then, my practice is to keep my eyes open. Becoming a reactor to resistance will keep you stuck and often leads us to behave in way that are unbecoming. Again, I invite you to take charge and consider incorporating this practice into your life, on and off the mat.